It is better that I would hold you gentle in my heart than to let the love go and suffer what would take its place ~ COHolley

Red Light

I stopped at a red light today and looked over at the man in the truck next to me. He was handsome, really handsome. He had on a white starched shirt and the sleeves were slightly rolled up on his tan arms. He had his left arm casually resting over the top of the steering wheel....you know, draped kinda cool like. I couldn't see his jeans but I'm sure they were a perfect fit. The window wasn't down but I believe he smelled like Calvin Klein. I couldn't hear his radio but I imagined it was playing Bruno Mars "When I was Your Man".
I'm aware of my 60 years, my tired eyes and the diminished love in my heart. But every once in a while its like a cool autumn breeze blows over the low burning embers in my spirit and makes them glow a bit brighter..... until the breeze dies down and the glow dims again.

 

Didn't I spend all my days taking sweet care of you?
Didn't you know that there was nothing in life that I would rather do?

Do you know that not a day ever passed that you didn't say "I love you."
Didn't I hold you're face in my hands and say "I love you too"

Didn't I stand by you when trials came our way? And didn't I always tell you everything would be ok?

Didn't we have such fun doing some simple thing? Didn't we make pretty music whenever we would sing?

So many times we held hands and with our hearts we would pray? Do you know I prayed a thousand more when you walked away? Do you know that I stopped living on that very day?

Stillness of Heart

photo by COHolley

 

Having a calm heart is not easy but stillness of the heart is necessary to acquire peace of mind and peace of body and soul. Think of things that are beautiful and kind, lovely and precious,think of goodness and light. thinking of these things is healing to your soul. The more you open the door to the lovely the more the rooms of your heart will be filled with goodness and grace. Be Still....Be Still...Be Still.....two words that will always bring you to a Holy place.

Secret Admirer

photo by COHolley

I have had a romantic heart since I was a little girl.
I always got excited about Valentines day.
Each year I had strong faith that I was going to receive a beautiful heart shaped box of candy.
I didn't know anyone that would give me the cherished heart shaped candy box but I imagined it would say "secret admirer". My first memory of having this hopeful heart was in the sixth grade. When the time came to pass out our Valentines to all our class mates my anticipation grew.
There was a pretty blonde haired girl in my class and her desk was stacked high with boxes of candy. My secret admirer was not to be.
But I never gave up hope. I had this same excitement about Valentines day into my late twenties when I received my first heart shaped box from my husband ..and I'm not so sure he would have bought it for me if I wouldn't have humbly said a few days before Valentines " I've never gotten a box of chocolates for Valentines day" It didn't feel like I thought it would. I suppose my subtleties had spoiled the event.
It was sometime in my late 30's that I became jaded about this day of celebrating love. I was single, no love in sight, and I scoffed that it was a day set up by the retailers to make money and I wasn't going to participate.
But now, with life's losses and gains I'd have to say that the two greatest things a person can carry in their heart is love and thanksgiving the greatest of these being love. Thanksgiving day and Valentines day abide in the same place in my heart. They are perfect companions and nurture my soul. The romantic hope of a heart shaped box has been replaced by memories of love lost and gained and both with their own life lessons. The anticipation has been calmed to an acceptance of the joy that is evident.
But, just in case, I should stay home today. You never know when something might be deliverd, labeled " from your secret admirer"

Constant Renewel

The New Year. New beginnings spur contemplation of change for some people. In reality isn't each moment new. Isn't each breath we take a new beginning. Aren't we forever getting another chance. Aren't we continuously getting another opportunity for a renewal, a renewal of compassion, empathy, concern, another moment to give, to love, to laugh, to rise up. Dont' we have endless avenues for solitary moments to just be still and be thankful. The years end is a beginning of another calendar year, but the most important marker for time is how you are handling all the new beginnings you have available to you through each beat of your heart.

For the Love of Fudge

 I recently visited a small town in the North Georgia mountains.
I sat on a bench in front of a Fudge Shop that seemed to be the happening place at the town square.
These two fellas came out of the fudge shop and sat at the little table with their carefully chosen confectioneries.
One had a box of divinity fudge and the other had a variety of tasty treats he received after pointing in the glass counter with directions of "Ill take one of those and two of those and some of each one in the back row".
Well they began to indulge and make exclamatory sounds to express their extreme pleasure in the fudgy delights. MMMMM.....MMMMM...MMM!! ....Man! that's good!..... Boy oh Boy! and putting so much declaration into "Dog Gone!!!" I think his rump actually came up from the chair a fraction of an inch. This went on and on until one declared he may fall out in a sugar coma. At which the other one said.."taste this pecan right here" waving the pecan at his buddy.... at which the sugar charged man said no, no, no I cant take another bite. A few more waves of the pecan and it was received by the resisting friend and was so good that I believe i saw his eyes roll back in his head.
After stretching the limits of "enough" to the maximum the divinity box was closed with great reverence for the white pecan topped dollops that were left for another time and the mix matched confections of his pecan waving cohort were sealed and declared a done deal.
They continued their friendly fudgy talk about motor cycles and how their grand children's brains were being fried with computer games when suddenly the divinity partner said in a tone like he had just thought of the most brilliant idea he had in days, "Coffee! I have to have some coffee! "and up they both jumped and headed out for another bout of pleasure.
These two men had simultaneously experienced true fudge meditation that can only be shared with a real companion. They loved each others conversation and company. In this world of stress and hurry and more troubles than we ask for, it was a shear pleasure to watch theses two friends taking a moment for the real important things in life. The importance of plain ol' "taking time", of slowing down, savoring something, whether its a fudge moment or the smile on the face of someone near and dear to you. Or simply enjoying watching the camaraderie of two friends who were in the moment and loving it.

photo by COHolley

 

Life is about change..and about this big circle of coming and going, of grasp and release, of sadness and of joy. Its not the things in life that determine our journey but how we think of the circumstances, the choice we make to be dragged through life or to follow where it  leads with more acceptance than resistance.

In Her Garden

 

They said your journey will not be easy.
It will require much from you,
and then it will require some more.
With assurance she walked to her garden and opened the garden door.
She slowly walked the path
that she had walked many times before...
the path where she had scattered seeds
along the garden floor....
seeds of caring and seeds of kindness. and
many seeds of love, she saw family like roses,
friends like violets and faith from God above.
They whispered in voices soft like gardenia "
"let me carry you for a while" and she  knew that the journey was not hers alone in the garden where love did abide.

Oct 1, 2012

Stay focused. If you want to be healthier stay focused on healthy choices, if you want to stop worring stay focused on the good stuff, if you want more love stay focused on receiving, if you want peace stay focused on your inner calm....stay focused. Your soul knows what to do, its your mind you have to watch out for.