Not One Step Further

 

She walked down the cold wooden steps towards the dark basement below.
The crackled paint flaked off as she lightly trailed her fingers along the top of the steps railing. Faded shades of green and beige drifting down.  Like tarnished confetti landing on the edge of the steps with the appearance of sorrow as they found there resting place.
She took one slow step at the time.  Each stair step groaning with the sound of tired  wood and rusty nails.
What was unseen in the basements depths seemed to settle upon her cheeks and forehead and  mingle into the fullness of her hair.
She stopped midway...as far as she ever allowed herself to go. The silence was heavy. All she could hear was her breathing. Each released breath lingered somewhere in front of her chest as if it wanted to stay with her and not drift into what was beyond.
The smell  was just as she had remembered from previous times when she had stood at the borderline that she would never allow herself to cross.
It was a warm  amber smell. In some ways comforting,  some ways, familiar.  But at the same time it seemed as if it was making the choice to move forward for her, as if it was pulling her in. There was a stirring of indecision. It made her feel like she wanted what the dark caverns of the basement had to offer but also feared it would be filled with deceit.
She slowly turned and  ascended the stairs. Stepping out of the stairway and feeling the cold brass doorknob beneath her  trembling fingers she secured the door behind her.  She walked away and  heavily carried with her that overwhelming feeling she had learned to live with for so many years. The feeling of wanting something but  letting the fear of sadness or pain stop her from going just one step further.

Under Fire

 Its been said  many times that people are in our lives for
a reason or a season and this is true, but its the transition that makes a difference.
Some people are carried away with the wind and life's waves of change.... but some people toss a match into the tender trees and have no regard for what gets burned.
How should we consider the one who burns up love. Are they so blessed with an abundance of friendships and love that they can turn their back to the ashes.
Love and friendship are not a given and there is never a limit of people in need... if you feel you have
a bounty of such treasures then be sure to offer  a portion of what you have to someone who would
never toss a match.

photo COHolley

 

 

                                            The fragrance of compassion is welcomed in every garden.

When I Close My Eyes

When I close my eyes I can still feel your shoulders beneath my finger tips.
I can still hear the rhythm of your breathing as you sleep.
When I close my eyes I can still remember the dance we did that was called our life.
But when I open my eyes it is  all washed away like a storm that left nothing behind.

Stale Perfume

photo by COHolley

 

 

The perfume is stale in the bottle.

The roses, like paper turned to dust.

Webs are in the windowsill and leaves are at the door.

 

This is the house where loneliness lives.

 

COHolley

It is better that I would hold you gentle in my heart than to let the love go and suffer what would take its place ~ COHolley

Red Light

I stopped at a red light today and looked over at the man in the truck next to me. He was handsome, really handsome. He had on a white starched shirt and the sleeves were slightly rolled up on his tan arms. He had his left arm casually resting over the top of the steering wheel....you know, draped kinda cool like. I couldn't see his jeans but I'm sure they were a perfect fit. The window wasn't down but I believe he smelled like Calvin Klein. I couldn't hear his radio but I imagined it was playing Bruno Mars "When I was Your Man".
I'm aware of my 60 years, my tired eyes and the diminished love in my heart. But every once in a while its like a cool autumn breeze blows over the low burning embers in my spirit and makes them glow a bit brighter..... until the breeze dies down and the glow dims again.

 

Didn't I spend all my days taking sweet care of you?
Didn't you know that there was nothing in life that I would rather do?

Do you know that not a day ever passed that you didn't say "I love you."
Didn't I hold you're face in my hands and say "I love you too"

Didn't I stand by you when trials came our way? And didn't I always tell you everything would be ok?

Didn't we have such fun doing some simple thing? Didn't we make pretty music whenever we would sing?

So many times we held hands and with our hearts we would pray? Do you know I prayed a thousand more when you walked away? Do you know that I stopped living on that very day?

Stillness of Heart

photo by COHolley

 

Having a calm heart is not easy but stillness of the heart is necessary to acquire peace of mind and peace of body and soul. Think of things that are beautiful and kind, lovely and precious,think of goodness and light. thinking of these things is healing to your soul. The more you open the door to the lovely the more the rooms of your heart will be filled with goodness and grace. Be Still....Be Still...Be Still.....two words that will always bring you to a Holy place.

Secret Admirer

photo by COHolley

I have had a romantic heart since I was a little girl.
I always got excited about Valentines day.
Each year I had strong faith that I was going to receive a beautiful heart shaped box of candy.
I didn't know anyone that would give me the cherished heart shaped candy box but I imagined it would say "secret admirer". My first memory of having this hopeful heart was in the sixth grade. When the time came to pass out our Valentines to all our class mates my anticipation grew.
There was a pretty blonde haired girl in my class and her desk was stacked high with boxes of candy. My secret admirer was not to be.
But I never gave up hope. I had this same excitement about Valentines day into my late twenties when I received my first heart shaped box from my husband ..and I'm not so sure he would have bought it for me if I wouldn't have humbly said a few days before Valentines " I've never gotten a box of chocolates for Valentines day" It didn't feel like I thought it would. I suppose my subtleties had spoiled the event.
It was sometime in my late 30's that I became jaded about this day of celebrating love. I was single, no love in sight, and I scoffed that it was a day set up by the retailers to make money and I wasn't going to participate.
But now, with life's losses and gains I'd have to say that the two greatest things a person can carry in their heart is love and thanksgiving the greatest of these being love. Thanksgiving day and Valentines day abide in the same place in my heart. They are perfect companions and nurture my soul. The romantic hope of a heart shaped box has been replaced by memories of love lost and gained and both with their own life lessons. The anticipation has been calmed to an acceptance of the joy that is evident.
But, just in case, I should stay home today. You never know when something might be deliverd, labeled " from your secret admirer"